Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
