I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..