ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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