And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.