i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.