I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
