A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
