Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
