Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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