I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
