oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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