we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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