I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
