I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
