his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize