Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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