it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
