Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
