im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
