I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
