you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
