I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
