my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
