yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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