I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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