just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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