I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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