I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
