Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
