Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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