you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
