new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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