They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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