Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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