I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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