My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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