Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
