i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
