We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
