The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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