That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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