addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
