I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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