He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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