Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
