At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
