The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
