I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He did a backflip because drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
