EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
