Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
