he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
