I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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