I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
