i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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