Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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