you traded sex for a burrito?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
