you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
