Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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