The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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