I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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