I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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