Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
