you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
