Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
