I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
