its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
