That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
