I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
