there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
