Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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