his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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