Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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