Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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