YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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