Your tits are I can't wait for
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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