Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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